The Biscayne Times

Jul 03rd
Biscayne Crime Beat (September) PDF Print E-mail
Written by Derek McCann   
September 2010

crimebeatPest Control Nightmare
700 Block of NE 69th Street
It’s bad enough to have bugs running around your condo. In these types of situations, you need the trusty old exterminator, but in Miami there is a price to pay for everything. This woman arrived home to a spiffy flyer from an extermination company and a missing laptop. The woman claimed she was not the only victim as a neighbor had cash stolen from her condo the same day. Usually security travels with exterminators in condo buildings, so it’s a mystery how things could be missing. Over-the-counter pesticides may be the answer for those nasty palmetto bugs.

Sad Truth: You Can’t Trust Your Neighbors
500 NE 65th Street
For the umpteenth time: You cannot leave your doors open in Miami. We are not in the bucolic countryside where neighbors help neighbors. This poor woman retrieved her laptop from her car and placed it in her apartment. She left her door wide open as she went to drop off a load of laundry. When she returned, the laptop was gone. No leads in this case, but at least her dirty clothes weren’t stolen.

Vicious Home Invaders on the Loose
5500 Block of NE 1st Avenue
Our victim came home after receiving $100 from a wire transfer and saw two strangers in her living room, rummaging through her belongings. She screamed at them and told them to leave. Instead, one of the intruders punched her in the face. Her boyfriend heard the commotion and dashed out of the shower, whereupon he was also beaten and dragged across the living room floor. Police responded to the bloodied victims but not before both scumbags had fled. No arrests have been made. More evidence that you must keep your doors locked at all times.

Bus Racks as Bike-Theft Delivery Platforms
NE 79th and Biscayne Boulevard
Taking public transportation can be a drag, but it’s better than dangerously riding a bike up Biscayne Boulevard. This passenger hoisted his bike into the rack attached to the front of the Metro Transit bus and settled into his air-conditioned seat. When the bus made a stop at 79th Street, a Boulevard opportunist raced up, lifted the bike off the rack, and quickly pedaled away. No arrests have been made, but you can add this to the prodigious list of bike thefts along the Boulevard.

Prescription Pills Claim Another Victim
600 Block of NE 86th Street
Forget about legalizing marijuana when we have pharmaceuticals that can do the same thing. This victim, instead of lighting up, took one of his prescribed pills and decided he wanted to sleep on his front porch. Thanks to the pills, he fell into a deep, deep slumber. Upon awakening several hours later, he found that his wallet had been stolen.

Beware the Smiling Miamian
100 Block of NE 11th Street
Woman was at a popular nightspot in hopes of meeting Mr. Right. A man came along this night with a glorious smile and perfect shining white teeth. Taken by his charm, she turned to him and… He grabbed her purse and took off, disappearing into the crowd. Staff was unable to detain him for police. Be on the lookout for people who seem nice and have wonderful teeth.

Return of the Loser Ex-Boyfriend, Part 213
100 Block NE 78th Street
A woman had broken up with her boyfriend six months before this incident. One evening she heard thumping at her door and was aghast to discover it was her ex. He pried the door open with a crowbar and made his way in, exclaiming, “Why you keep trying me!?” He proceeded to punch her several times in the legs before leaving. Police offered the victim safe shelter but she declined, perhaps not a wise decision with an obsessed man who keeps “trying.”

Sobering Up at Taxpayers’ Expense
800 Block of Biscayne Boulevard
A man refused to pay a $25 taxi fare. He proceeded to walk away from the cab as the driver followed him. Pushing the driver away, he declared, “I don’t owe you nothing!” The driver called police, who entered the man’s apartment and gave him the opportunity to pay the fare. He refused. Officers noticed a strong odor of alcohol on his breath. (Ugh!) He was arrested and is drying out at the county jail.

Book This on Orbitz?
3500 Block of Biscayne Boulevard
Promises of low nightly motel rates in Miami can be alluring for some hapless tourists. This victim stayed with his girlfriend at a Biscayne Boulevard inn, where he witnessed a man take $325 from his girlfriend’s purse. He chased the thief down the Boulevard and both were stopped by police. Officers did a pat-down on the thief and money started flying out -- from his crotch area! Three bags of marijuana also fell to the ground. He was promptly arrested and the soiled money was returned to the victim. We can only hope he later sanitized it.

Man Continues to Terrorize Target Store
3401 N. Miami Ave.
On several occasion over the past few months, a persistent criminal has been stealing items from Target at Midtown Miami. Despite the cutesy uniforms, Target security staffers have been unable to stop his shenanigans. This latest incident was no different. The suspect is very quick and is usually armed with razor blades. Caution is advised.

Exploiting a Bad Situation
NE 71st Street and Biscayne Boulevard
Two bicyclists somehow got into a head-on collision. As both lay on the ground nearly unconscious, a sleazebag sneaked up and stole one of the fallen bikes. The bike’s owner managed to get up and took the other bike (with permission) in an effort to catch the thief. Nearby police caught up with them and the appropriate arrest was made. In his defense, the perpetrator said that he was “in trouble,” which is why he took the bike. Trouble? His troubles are only beginning.

The Things Our Criminals Do
400 Block of NE 29th Terrace
If you saw a shabbily dressed man pushing a shopping cart with a refrigerator, would you not be suspicious? Fortunately we have police officers who can discern the subtleties of Miami life. This particular hobo had stolen a refrigerator from a cottage in the back of a residence. It was correctly identified by its owner, who had called police minutes earlier. The man was stopped and the refrigerator was returned. And the shopping cart? It turned out to be stolen as well, taken from the neighborhood Walgreens.

Yet Another Inventive Bank Account
1800 Block of N. Bayshore Drive
We’ve seen cars, dressers, medicine cabinets, and more employed as safe-deposit boxes by clueless Miamians. In this recession, the flawed thinking goes, can we really trust the banks with our money? This victim hid more than $4000 under a rug in his closet. The money went missing shortly after he stashed it. We suggest he check his vacuum cleaner.


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