The Biscayne Times

May 23rd
Biscayne Crime Beat December PDF Print E-mail
Written by Derek McCann, BT Contributor   
December 2016

policeman_stopBig Bang Not a Theory

4400 Block NE 2nd Avenue

Home is one’s castle, and the peace it brings after a day of loud traffic and louder bosses is precious. This woman, after enjoying her valuable quiet time, heard a loud bang coming from the back of her home. Did a vase fall? Did her cat knock over a lamp? Or was it a sinkhole? It was worse than all of that. It was Miami scum breaking her window and trying to get in. She screamed, ran out of her house, and called police. Aside from a footprint, there are no leads. Busy and likely bored burglary detective was not even available for this latest ad infinitum.


Bullets Over Biscayne

5500 Block of NE 3rd Avenue

A couple left their home in the morning. Report noted their activity while away, such as the girlfriend’s phone being fixed, hanging out at the coffee shop, and her doing homework while boyfriend was going to work. After this superfluous information, the report noted they returned to a burglarized home. Eclectic items stolen from the home included the boyfriend’s Uzi, 500 bullets, and a laptop. The female victim had her passport, Social Security card, and her diploma taken. Sounds like there’s a future interview set via identity fraud for this culprit or his female companion, and she’d better get it or there will be bullets over Biscayne.


Coming for Loot in All the Wrong Places

6000 Block of NE 2nd Avenue

For those with the most, one would think they would consistently be victims of attempted break-ins. This thief settled on a trailer park, where people are just trying to get by on a daily basis. He went out of his way to cut a hole in the fence surrounding the park and entered, taking as many items as he could hold. He was spotted leaving through the hole he created for himself and ran off. Police have not been able to locate him. Maybe a beautiful, impenetrable wall will work after all -- for the trailer park, that is.


On Search of Purse

2800 Block of N. Miami Avenue

While dancing at a club, a woman did not put her purse down on the floor where they all get stolen monthly. This victim must have known her Crime Beat, and intelligently (she thought) had two people she had been dancing with hold it for her. Trust never appears to work in Miami, let alone at its party scenes. Employees saw the men leaving the club and then enter a shiny BMW. Strangely, the victim received a call from Flannigan’s in southwest Miami and was told her purse had been found. Victim used the Apple app to find her phone and she was able to retrieve it in Wynwood. Not a bad night for this woman with dancing, good food, and fun art.


A Little Bit of Courtesy

NE 7th Avenue and NE 61st Street

Leaving your car parked on the streets of Miami is never a really comfortable feeling. Aside from stolen vehicles and general vandalism such as the old ex throwing a brick through your window, there is also dissection. This man found his vehicle on bricks. All four tires were stolen. Left in their wake were the tires’ lug nuts, with all lugs neatly placed by every block. This will make it easier to load new tires. Now, that is a thoughtful thief.


Checkered People

1600 Block of Biscayne Boulevard

Man was eating and enjoying a Checkers burger at one of the outside tables next to the eatery. At one point he put his head down, likely from the indigestion that usually follows greasy and saturated fat. When he took this necessary break, a bald man reached into his pocket and took his wallet. When our victim picked his head up and turned around, the bald man, dressed in all black, had made way too much distance to catch up with him. The ninja-like attack momentarily eased the stomach pain.


Ill-Timed Government Shutdown

8300 Block of Biscayne Boulevard

At the Social Security office, a woman was called to the counter. With the long wait, she did not feel the need to bring her stuff with her, just happy to get her turn. She left her green purse and other items on her seat. She did grab her belongings after speaking with the representative and left. However, once in her car she noticed there was no purse, so she frantically ran back to the office, only to find the door locked. The office had closed. They would not let her in. No exceptions. Which also meant no purse. More moments like this may close the budget gap and that program may actually live on.


Dodge City, Really

3400 Block of N. Miami Avenue

Outdoor dining is no longer what it’s cracked up to be. Miami weather comes with a hefty penalty, and will continue to be a bear market. While eating, a man put his iPhone on the table, like most people, in case he felt the need to check Facebook while his companion droned on about the election. In a blink, our culprit ran by the table, grabbed the phone, made like Walter Payton, and cut through those annoying hipster types who surround this establishment. There was no catching him. Please keep your phones in your pocket and pay attention.


Party in a Bag

401 Biscayne Blvd.

Woman flagged down a police officer to let him know she had been victim of a larceny. Report notes this but it’s not clear if this is the word she used. However, she did say a plastic bag of hers was stolen. Inside the bag were a $20 bill, bodywash, and half a bottle of liquor. There are two suspects and likely they’ll party some, maybe get a couple of rocks with the $20, and wash off the smell before going to wherever they need to go. That is not the worst score a criminal could have.


Say It Again: Be Careful Out There

5 NE 79th St.

While on a stroll, victim was stopped by four men. One pulled victim’s shirt over his face so he could not see. While this occurred they punched him repeatedly in the stomach. Victim feared for his life. They stole his wallet during this ordeal. It took four men to steal a wallet, and the person they robbed had been incapacitated by his shirt. Despite being gutless, it is incredibly lame and embarrassing. Show some cojones next time, perps. You are embarrassing the honorable muggers out there.


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