The Biscayne Times

May 23rd
Biscayne Crime Beat November PDF Print E-mail
Written by Derek McCann, BT Contributor   
November 2016

policeman_stopReport Fatigue?

7600 Block of NE 7th Court

Sometimes reports write themselves, or at least exhausted police officers opt for being pithy at some point, after writing copious amounts of crime drivel. In this burglary blurb, property was stolen from a shed. In all, there was a “grinder,” following by a blower, a power drill, and a buffer. We think this perp’s load was satisfactory for him and maybe this cop is hinting that his closet is lonely.


Remember to Bunker Down

5900 Block of NE 6th Avenue

Our victim had the audacity to leave his window open while he was cooking. The main problem with this is that he fell asleep after making such a hearty meal. This is a common Miami mistake here, but one of the bigger ones. He awoke to no wallet and no cell phone. An open window here is merely a good old-fashioned Miami flea market sale. Just stop it already, or appear in this column next month.


First-Time Offender

29 NE 11th Street

For incredibly vapid reasons, $2000 in cash was left out on a table in the club, and the victim looked away. To his horror (and our expectation), the money went missing into thick club air, or in this case, the pocket of an opportunist. Staff was able to locate the culprit rather quickly and held him until police arrived. He only had $400 on him, as cameras later showed he’d handed the rest off in an assist worthy of John Stockton to Karl Malone. He did tell the cops he had no record, as if this would keep him from being arrested this one time. No dice; they escorted him to the arena of the county jail.


Party Late, Molly

29 NE 11th Street

Woman arrived at 4:30 a.m. to this same club and danced for about half an hour. She was smart enough at least to have her purse draped around her shoulder, unlike others who set it aside like at some high school sock hop. After 30 minutes of colorful dancing, though, she found the flap open and her wallet and phone gone. That’s a pretty good targeted theft. She called her phone several times but it was turned off and therefore her tracking wouldn’t work. Her calls to the club weren’t returned, as their lost-and-found must be shut down for overuse.


Watch out, Buddy!

100 Block of NE 39th Street

When washing his hands in the mall restroom, a man took off his watch because you have to wash that wrist underneath thoroughly and the watch must be very expensive when you decide to do this. It took him 90 minutes to discover his watch was no longer on his clean wrist. None of the cleaning people had a clue. He demanded surveillance, though there is, thankfully, no such thing in bathrooms. Let’s hope it stays that way, though this may make it open season for crooks when you decide to do your business.


Hot Mess

3500 Biscayne Boulevard

Yes, the police will give you the chance to make things right. A man rode in a taxi to various destinations. When it was time to pay the $85 fare, let alone a tip, he balked. He told the cabbie to call the police. Cabbie did. When the police arrived, they ordered him to pay and he said his money was back at his motel. They trailed him, but he couldn’t get into his room due to a lost key. The building manager said the guest had lost two sets of keys. The suspect then called his mother to get the money. She couldn’t come. The suspect was then arrested and admitted to officers that he also had cocaine in his pocket. Score.


Liquor Store Ruckus

800 Block of NE 5th Avenue

Man waited outside a liquor store as he had trouble opening the store door. When a woman arrived, she asked to borrow his cell phone. Since he helped her, he thought she would do the same. He asked her to buy liquor for him and gave her his credit card. We’re not sure why he couldn’t enter the store -- maybe there was a wheelchair? She bought the liquor and when she came out, he asked for his stuff back. She hit him hard over the head with her purse, and ran off with his items. He didn’t even get his liquor.


Unisex Wardrobe Envy

100 Block of NE 75th Street

Victim reported that his female friend had come into his home and asked if there was any food in the fridge. Without waiting for an answer, she walked directly into the kitchen. After several minutes, the victim went to the bathroom, later to see his gal buddy leaving the residence. She’d taken his wallet, which were in his white pants. She also took the white pants. We know Miami is exempt from this rule, but it is after Labor Day, so she rescued this metrosexual from trying too hard.


Putin Inspiration

90 NE 54th Street

A tenant owed his landlord $700 rent for his apartment. Upon arrival one day, he found that his apartment was empty and all his possessions were missing. Due to late rent and, we gather, the fatigue of going through the eviction process or other legal channels, the landlord decided on a more pugnacious route. The total value of the tenant’s possessions is $2500. The landlord refused to release the possessions until the rent is paid. No closure is noted on this report, as the bully landlord lies on victim’s love seat.


No More Stink

500 Block of NE 79th Street

Suspect walked to the aisle of this CVS store where the spray deodorant is and began taking items. We’re unsure how long this took before employees found it curious. It was a lot of body spray. He left the store and didn’t make an attempt to pay for the sprays. The kicker is, he stole $1451 worth of it, and that is not a misprint. If he’d had his CVS card, he would’ve gotten a discount.


The Cowed Workforce

600 Block of Biscayne Boulevard

In 2016 employees are expected to jump high when asked to jump. Once on company time and working for wages, your job comes first. In this example, a team huddle was about to occur, and rather than secure her purse, as she couldn’t locate her lock, the victim left it unsecured in her locker. She didn’t want to miss the team huddle since she might miss something, such as information about loss prevention. While the good soldier made it to the huddle, she suffered the casualty of a stolen purse. No leads, just resentment toward her co-workers.


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