The Biscayne Times

Friday
Aug 22nd
Biscayne Crime Beat (May) PDF Print E-mail
Written by Jim Mullin   

Compiled by Derek McCann

bigstock_Criminal_Thief_Activity_7156501Thanks for Everything!

401 Biscayne Blvd.

Woman placed her wallet and car keys on the ground near the bandstand at Bayside Marketplace. A person, possibly homeless, came by and began to pepper her with questions, asking directions, and acting as if he were from out of town. Like a good Miamian (mistake right there), she answered all of his questions, only to find later that he had taken her wallet and keys in the process. Helping people is way overrated.

 

Time to Dust Off That PMS Defense

400 Block of NE 125th Street

Three women walked into this store and began grabbing items: 72-count Huggies diapers, 18-count Kotex tampons, and a two-pack of Febreze Air Effects. They left the store without paying. They later returned and attempted to steal the same items. After being stopped by store personnel, the women started a mini riot -- punching employees at will, and even taking a store scanner and hitting someone in the head with it. The fight continued for several minutes until police came and arrested all the suspects.

 

This Crime Ring a Bell?

200 Block of Biscayne Boulevard

Two hapless victims ran into an old friend on the Boulevard. The two victims thought it a good idea to invite this person over to their apartment for a get-together. The old friend agreed, and brought three additional friends with him. Everyone engaged in lively conversation for an hour. After the foursome left, victims discovered one of their cell phones was missing from the living room and another from the bedroom. Guess there was a reason these old friends lost touch over the years.

 

Secure those Security Cameras

300 Block of NE 72nd Terrace

Owner secured his business and left, thinking everything was fine. After all, he had just installed security cameras. This did not stop one of Miami’s hoodlums from breaking in, wrecking the place, and stealing several items. Among the items stolen? The security disk from one of the cameras. There are no leads -- and no footage of the crime. Our rapidly evolving criminals are going to put the security industry out of business.

 

Dog Days of Spring

12000 Block of N. Miami Avenue

Victim was walking her two dogs when the suspect approached and started talking to her about her pets. There’s nothing wrong with that, right? In North Miami, it could be a problem. In the middle of the conversation, he grabbed a gold chain from around her neck and ran north. This strong-arm robbery happened in broad daylight. Victim told police she can identify the suspect. Guess those weren’t attack dogs.

 

It’s Not Stealing When They’re Giving Them Away!

100 Block of NE 54th Street

Suspect ran into this Walgreens and took six polo shirts, exiting the store without paying. Attempts to chase him down were unsuccessful. This particular suspect has stolen from this store on ten previous occasions. (And they still haven’t caught him?) But the most shocking detail from this blurb is that the six polo shirts are valued at only $24! We realize Walgreens is not a high-end boutique, but that is quite a deal.

 

Dispute Resolution in Little Haiti

100 Block of NE 56th Street

Next time you decide to have an argument with your neighbor, try to resolve it amicably. This feud resulted in the neighbor allegedly breaking into the victim’s home and stealing all of his clothes. For good measure, he kicked the television, cracking the screen. Additional damage included broken locks, shattered windows, a battered back door, and $350 in missing cash. Crime Beat doesn’t know what the dispute was about, but rest assured, the victim will not be returning that borrowed barbecue grill to his neighbor anytime soon.

 

No AutoZone in Sight

300 Block of NE 125th Street

While car theft and vandalism is on the rise, some of our criminals are getting more practical. Why steal a radio when you can get something really useful for yourself? This suspect broke into the victim’s trunk and stole jumper cables and a spare tire. We guess even criminals need the occasional jumpstart or tire change.

 

The Cycle of Crime

Biscayne Boulevard and 14th Street

Man flagged down a bus and tried to load his bike on the bike rack, but was told by the driver there wasn’t enough room on the bus for him, and that he would have to wait for another bus. The would-be passenger complied and left the area. A short while later, the man returned and began to throw rocks at another bus, breaking the right side of the windshield before running away. No arrests have been made. Cyclists are obnoxious enough, with their constant cutting in and out of traffic; now they have to take their insolence to the next level?

 

Charles Bronson Would Be Proud

NE 125th Street and NE 11th Court

Two thugs approached a man taking a leisurely stroll on 125th Street. One thug produced a silver, six-inch knife and pointed it at the victim, stating, “You know what this is.” The other man began searching the victim’s pockets. However, this victim wasn’t having it. As the thug searched his pockets, the victim punched him in the face, then threw him into the other man (like a wrestling move), knocking both of them to the pavement. Victim then ran from the scene. These robbery suspects apparently picked the wrong person. Hopefully they’ll take the hint and try working for a living.

 

Victoria’s Secret: Her Ex is a Perv

11800 Block of NE 19th Drive

Rear sliding door of a residence was forced open while the owner was away. Nothing was taken, save for ten women’s panties. Victim immediately suspected her ex-boyfriend, who is no longer welcome in the home. With police present, the woman called her ex-boyfriend and placed him on speaker. He confessed to the crime. She has yet to press charges at this time.

 

Proof That Tax Breaks Lead to Trouble

500 Block of NE 125th Street

Don’t you hate it when people hash out their differences in public? A couple began arguing while in line at this 7-Eleven, with the male demanding the female’s IRS refund check. She refused. He then punched her in the face, took her wallet, and left the store. The man had not been arrested at press time.

 

Check Roger Ebert’s Alibi

500 Block of NE 134th Street

Typical burglary occurred at this residence. What made it slightly different is where police found fingerprints. A DVD was removed from a shelf and left on the floor. The DVD in question?A Thin Line Between Love and Hate. You know, theFatal Attraction spoof with Martin Lawrence as a smooth-talking ladies man who meets his match in bat-crazy Lynn Whitfield. It’s not a great film, we admit that, but not worthstealing? Even for a rainy afternoon? C’mon.

 

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